So, since we’re unsure of my exact due date, right now I am somewhere in the ballpark of 4 weeks. Still very, very early. Which means I’m still very, very nervous. But I’m saying a prayer each day that God will give me peace, that our baby will be okay, and that God’s Will will be done. I’m trying to convince myself that whatever happens at this point is totally out of our control. All I can do is take care of myself, try to stay healthy, and believe in the power of prayer.
The day after we found out, we had a little scare. I rushed to the doctor and had a blood test done, which confirmed that yes, I am definitely pregnant. I then went back two days later to make sure my levels doubled in 48 hours – Well, they went from 150 to over 500! I’m trying to find peace in those results, knowing that they don’t promise that things will be okay from here on out, but they are a good sign. And I thought TRYING to get pregnant was stressful!
My hub and I continue to pray daily, I continue to talk to my little poppy seed (because yes, that’s how small it is right now!). We’re already convinced it’s a girl, though we plan on not finding out until his/her birthday. I’m feeling pretty good, other than my lower back killing me. And I’m hungry quite often – But that’s not really much of a change! But I’m still so nervous and I can’t shake it!
I think that’s one of the main reasons I’ve decided to start this journal, which I hope to turn into a blog after we reveal the news to the world. I feel like maybe if I type out my worries, my anxieties, my hopes, and my dreams, it’ll help. Right now it’s just me and the hub – and while he is being incredible, and definitely keeping me grounded, sometimes it’s hard to have all of these emotions going through my head. I’m realizing that I am the only one (with God’s help) who can bring myself peace through the next few critical weeks. I have three friends who recently miscarried, and I think that’s why I’m so scared. Plus, we want to start a family so bad – we want THIS baby so bad – I just can’t imagine something going wrong.
So I’ve gotta keep the faith. And have patience. And be at peace. And trust. And I have to realize that all I can do is take one step at a time, trust His plan for our lives, and believe that everything is going to be just fine. Everything is going to be just perfect with our poppy seed.