Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Maybe Tom Cruise Wasn't So Crazy

I’m thinking maybe Tom Cruise wasn’t such a nut job when he had his own sonography machine in his house.  Honestly, I would love to have the ability to see our little one everyday, just to reassure myself that all is well in there.  And to convince myself that yes, indeed, I am really, really pregnant.

11 weeks – You’d think that after 11 weeks, an ultrasound, and hearing the heartbeat TWICE I’d be able to at least start wrapping my brain around the fact that there is a baby growing inside of me.  But no such luck.  I think it’s just me trying to guard my emotions, not letting myself get my hopes up.  But it’s starting to frustrate me.  Why can’t I just embrace this and let myself relish in the joy and excitement of it all?!

         Hormones.  I’ll blame it on hormones.

I guess hormones get the blame for all pregnancy ups and downs, so that’s what I’m going with.

Anywho, our last appointment was on March 11th, and we are dying for the next appointment!!  Every time we have an appointment, I leave the doctor’s office feeling so excited, overwhelmed, and at peace at how things appear to be progressing.  This high seems to last a few days, then it begins to taper off, then the worry slowly creeps around the corner, until it’s staring me in the face.  And then I take a deep breath, and hold that breath until my next appointment – which will be our NT Scan on Friday (to check for any genetic issues) and then our monthly OB appointment next Monday.

         This is going to be a s-l-o-w week.

I’ve been feeling okay lately – And if you’ve read all of my previous posts, you know that feeling “okay” is a huge step here.  So I decided to try to do something sweet for my hub and actually plan a date for us (since he’s been so sweet).  So Saturday we went to the movies, and out to dinner.  I actually went into a restaurant.  Huge success.  It was really nice to feel like a normal couple for a few hours, even if it did leave me exhausted… It was totally worth it.  We even batted around a few name ideas, though we are nowhere near making a decision.  We have a loooong time to decide, though, since we won’t be finding out what our little one is until his/her birthday.

Speaking of our little one, he/she is now the size of a lime.  A lime, people!!  Wasn’t it just a few short weeks ago that I was excited about graduating to the size of an appleseed?!  Now we’re talking actual fruit, which is super exciting if I do say so myself.

I’ve been trying to continue to stay calm and at peace, convincing myself that this is all totally out of our control.  All I can do is try to take care of myself, not read into every twinge or lack of twinge, and trust that God made women’s bodies to do this.

And I’m also telling myself that the following five things should be enough evidence that yes, Jessie, you are knocked up.

1.     My pooch.  Still looking more like, “Wow, she’s really let herself go” and less like, “Awww, she’s got a baby bump” – But that’s okay.
2.     My skin.  It looks like that of a teenager at band camp.  ‘Nuff said.
3.     My starting to dissipate, but still randomly appearing nausea.  Like a constant hangover – minus the alcohol.
4.     My need for larger undergarments.  TMI, sorry.
5.     My inability to finish any food item I purchase at the grocery store.  As in, omigosh, I have to have this right now, but after I have a few bites, I can’t look at it ever again.  (See desk drawer pictures below… Embarrassing, but honest.)

Cheez-Its, Rice Cakes, Saltines, Ginger Cookies, Ritz Bits, and Peanut Butter.  But wait...

There's more... Sour Patch Kids, Sweet Tart chews, Trail Mix, Raisins, Oatmeal, a packet of mustard, Peeps...  I'm laughing out loud typing this.  Geez.

So on we go… I can see the second trimester on the horizon.  And while sometimes I feel like a cartoon character whose feet are running frantically, but aren’t getting anywhere, I am thrilled that we are at the end of Week 11.

And by the way, maybe Tom Cruise was a liiiittle crazy, because I just priced ultrasound machines, and they appear to start around $75,000.

11 Week Bump - No real change from last week!
11 Week Bump covered up - Go Tigers!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Mama Love

I have been waiting to see my mom since about 5:15am on Monday, January 31st.  That was just about the time the second line popped up on the pregnancy test (I STILL can’t believe it!) – it was just about the time I woke up my dear husband to tell him that our lives had instantaneously changed – and it was just about the time that I craved a hug from my mama.  There’s something about realizing you’re going to be a mom that makes you want to see your own mom desperately.  It’s been a long month and a half.

But I finally got to see her!!!!!!  I went ~home~ this weekend for one of my oldest friend’s wedding, which meant a weekend with my mama.  All of the guys in my family were at their yearly boys’ golf weekend extravaganza, so some of us girls gathered in Columbia for our own get-together.  I anxiously waited at my mom’s house on Friday night for her to get home from work, and as soon as she walked in the door, all we could do was hug.  Man I have the best mom in the whole world.  I can only dream of being half the woman she is when I welcome our sweet pea into this world.

We had a GREAT weekend.  My sister, nephew, her sister-in-law, and her daughter all stayed at my mom’s house, which meant the ultimate weekend of toddlers-taking-over-the-house, tons of giggles-and-snotty-noses, the-best-kind-of-fun EVER.  All I could think the whole time was how I was surrounded by three incredible moms, and two awesome toddlers – and how I couldn't wait to have my own little one join the gang.

We got some sweet baby gifts – some precious little booties, onesies, a sleeper (with little yellow ducks all over it!), and more.  Man I love getting baby gifts!  Just because it continues to make it all feel like this is really going to happen… my dream is going to come true.

On Saturday night Mom and I headed to the wedding.  I squeezed myself into a black dress I bought over a month ago (which, when I zipped it up on Saturday, it fit quite a bit differently than it had a mere four weeks ago… My how things are spreading out!!)  I also purchased a four-inch pair of gold, sparkly heels to try to lift up my self-esteem (since I’m feeling a little less “glowy” and a little more “doughy” these days!).

The wedding was beautiful, and perfect, the way all weddings are when the right two people end up falling in love.  It was so awesome to see my high school girlfriends.  You know those friends who you may not see for months, even years sometimes – But then when you reunite, it’s like you were in the Commons of your high school just the day before, gossiping about the latest breakup?  Yeah, that’s how we are – But better.  I can’t wait to see them again!!!!

So the weekend was awesome, ending in a teary goodbye between my mama and me.  I can’t wait to see her (and the rest of my fam!) in two weeks!!!

When my hub finally got home from the golf weekend, he immediately came in and said, “Let me see the baby!”  So I got my lazy, doughy toosh off of the couch so he could see my “bump.”  (Which, after being around two gorgeous moms this weekend who are MUCH more pregnant than I am, I realize it’s possibly a little ridiculous to call what I have a “bump” – but oh well.)  He kissed our little one (which again, caused me to be teary-eyed – dang hormones!).  I can’t WAIT to see him be a dad.  He’s going to be the best.

So this past week has been pretty decent.  I continue to have some okay moments inbetween the miserable ones, so I continue to hope that I’m crawling out of the morning all-day sickness cave.  I haven’t had any cravings to speak of, just I-have-to-have-this-to-eat-right-this-second.  (Like the chicken McNuggets and fries I had to have TWICE in 48 hours this weekend… I haven’t had chicken McNuggets in 15 years!)  I think I’m going to order my first maternity clothes online tonight!!  It may be a bit premature, but my clothes are getting uncomfortable and I refuse to wait too much longer.

In the meantime, thank you for the continued thoughts and prayers for our prune-sized blessing.  We can’t wait until our next ultrasound, which will be our NT Scan on April 1st.  Stay comfortable in there, little one!

10 Week Bump Sans Shirt
10 Week Bump Covered Up

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Baby Peele Has Gone Public!

What a big week for Baby Peele!  He/she has gone public, and everyone knows our big news!  I can’t believe it’s not a secret anymore.  It’s almost bittersweet.  For awhile, it was like this private information between me and the hub – Our little secret… like we were in on the best news in the world, and not a soul knew.  We could look at each other from across a room, and we both knew what the other was thinking.  Now, though, it’s kind of nice to have EVERYONE (and I mean everyone!) know.  It makes it feel more and more like a reality.  I finally got to shout it from the rooftops!  (Or more like, I got to announce it at a staff meeting, and on Facebook… but hey, rooftop is up for interpretation.)

Wednesday was the big day for me to make our baby public knowledge.  We start every staff meeting at school with “Celebrations.”  Well, our principal asked me to start the Celebrations (she already knew), so I said, “Well, my hub finished grad school with a 4.0!!”  And everyone cheered… And then I snuck in, “And I’m pregnant!”  The cheers and claps were enough to make me forget about my nausea for about twelve and a half seconds, which was nice.  The staff’s overwhelming congratulations, love, and support since making the announcement has been incredible.

Later that night, I finally went public on Facebook, and yeesh – Talk about being even more overwhelmed with well wishes!  I mean, I know it’s just Facebook, and it’s all only virtual support, but it definitely makes a miserable pregnant girl feel good!  So now, I don’t have to hide any of it anymore.  I don’t have to hide my excitement, my struggles, or the hair elastic keeping my jeans “buttoned.”  (Thanks for the trick, Lu!)

This past week was a week of ups and downs as far as how I’ve been feeling.  I had a couple good days inbetween the rough ones, which led me to believe I was on the back end of the glorious first trimester.  But then, lo and behold, today has been a whopper.  The fact that I am sitting vertically to type this is a huge success.  I’m still in my pajamas, trying to find the wherewithal to do something productive and push through the discomfort, so updating my blog is as good as it’s going to get today.

But let me get something straight, if I haven’t emphasized it enough – I am THRILLED to be miserable.  Seriously.  Even though I sound like I complain, and cry to my hub, and act like a sloth, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  This sweet baby can do whatever it needs to do to my body to grow… It just makes it easier to document it all on here.  Like getting the emotions and discomforts out on here will help make it all better.

In other exciting news, we had another appointment this week.  It was just supposed to be an internal exam and we finally got to meet with our doctor (instead of nurses), which was nice.  The doctor informed us that it was too early to hear the heartbeat through a Doppler (on top of the belly), so we’d have to wait until our next appointment.  He could tell we were bummed, so after the exam he told us that my uterus (sorry if it’s TMI) had already started to move toward the front of my body, so there was a good chance we could, after all, hear the heartbeat.  So my hub says, “Don’t do it, because if you can’t find it, she’s gonna freak out!” (Think he knows me at all?!)  But the doctor says, “Nah, we’ll figure something out…” So hub says, “Alright, you’re about to ruin my weekend!” And so he put the jelly on my stomach, and start searching, and there it was!!!  You could hear both my heartbeat and the baby’s (mine was 90, the baby’s was 180) – What a GREAT sound!  And then my hub says, “Well, you just made my weekend!” with a huge smile on his face.

The other good news about my body already shifting inside is that I’m not imagining the teensy, tiny little “baby bump.”  Come on, baby bump!!!

Here's 9 weeks - a HUGE difference from last week... or at least I think so!  I swear I woke up one morning and things just started poking out! (Look back to the post from 8 weeks for pictures I added!)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

A Love Letter

Dear Food,

         I just wanted to let you know how much I miss you.  I think of you often – though I have to admit, those thoughts are often not very pleasant.  But everyone tells me I will return to my previous love of you!  Trust me, I’m counting down the days as much as you are.

         I don’t know if I’ve ever met someone who loves food as much as I do.  So it has been quite a shock to me that I mostly find you repulsive.  Or that there is only one thing on the planet I can think of to eat, out of all of your glorious options.  And I am sorry for my weird habits (like the entire can of green beans I just HAD to have as soon as I got off of the treadmill yesterday, like, right out of the can).  And I am sorry for turning my back on you in the middle of a meal (like last night, all I could think of to eat was a meatball sub.  So my hub went to a restaurant and got my sub, and his sausage and pepperoni stromboli.  Well, the meatball sub just wasn’t hitting the spot.  Hub saw me eyeing his meal, and asked if I wanted a bite.  “Ummm… Yes.” I said.  Omigoodness-his-was-delicious.  He immediately read the look on my face, took my meatball sub, and traded it with his strombli.  Oh how I have the best husband!)

         Anywho, I just wanted to apologize, and ask for your forgiveness and that hopefully you’ll take me back when my appetite decides to return.  It’s hard to imagine when that day will come, but I’m holding onto the hope that it will.

         In the meantime, please accept my pickiness and my rare cravings and requests.  Though you have to admit, today’s craving wasn’t quite so rare…

                                                                                                        Until we meet again,

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Sweetest Sound

October 10, 2011 – Here we come!  That’s our estimated due date based on how OUR BABY was measuring at our first ultrasound!  What a day.

While we only probably had to sit in the waiting room for about five minutes, it felt like fifty.  My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, and my hub was looking at me like I was crazy.  “You’ve got to calm down!” he told me.  Man, I don’t know how he stays so relaxed and peaceful, but I sure am glad to have him around.

So we went into the scan room and got ready, I laid down on the table and said a prayer.  And then… we saw it.  Our baby.  Our tiny, tiny, raspberry-sized little life.  And the perfect, precious flicker of a heartbeat in the middle of it’s chest.  Oh.My.Goodness.

         I am really pregnant.

This is a moment I will remember for the rest of my life.  I looked over at my hub, who was also in awe, and when I looked back at the screen, a tear ran down my cheek.  “Hi!” I thought inside my head.  “It’s so nice to see you!  I’ve been feeling you rock my world lately, but that’s okay – You do whatever you need to do to my body to grow and stay healthy.  I’m all yours.”

And then, it got even better.  “Beat – Beat – Beat – Beat.”  There was its heartbeat.  We could hear the heartbeat inside of me, the tiny little raspberry had a heartbeat.  And it is the sweetest sound I have ever heard.

It all seemed to go by too quickly, but luckily my doctor’s office is awesome and gives you not only ultrasound pictures, but a dvd – so you can watch it as much as you want!

         I won’t admit the number of times I’ve stared at our little one.

So, the other best part about this past week?  We finally got to tell the rest of our family!!!!!!!  My sister, her husband, and their son came in town on Thursday night, which was going to be the start of us finally spilling the beans.  I had a present for my nephew, so as soon as they got here, I told them I had something for him to open.  They walked into the back bedroom, and I had a little chalkboard with magnetic letters spelling out, “A Cousin.”  They got it right away, and were so excited!!  The coolest part of it all was that my sister had hoped we’d start trying soon, so she brought a baby gift to hide somewhere in our house so that when we did get pregnant, she would already have a gift here for us!  How cool is that!!

Then we started sending a picture of the sonogram via text to various family members.  My little sister, stepbrother and stepsister, and TJ’s sisters.  The calls started coming in, and it was so awesome.  Talk about feeling loved, and supported, and RELIEVED to have those closest to you in on the secret!!  If seeing our little one on the ultrasound screen didn’t make it feel real enough, having people know surely helps.

So while we’d hoped to try to keep it a secret from the entire world until we are out of the first trimester, I’m not sure I can keep it in anymore.  I want to stand on top of the tallest building, and shout it out to the world – I’M GONNA BE A MOM!  So I think the tentative plan now is to fill in my school at a staff meeting this week, and the rest of my friends, and – from there – I’m sure the news will get out to the rest of the world.

It all still feels like a dream… But whenever I need to be reminded that it’s really happening, all I have to do is pop in that dvd, and there he/she is…

We started the weekly belly pics!  Here I am at 8 weeks... No bump to speak of, just a little bloat!

The Blueberry is Winning!

Baby Peele is now the size of a blueberry!!  And while even the thought of a blueberry makes me want to run to the nearest toilet (sorry!), I am thrilled to be a mere 5 days away from seeing our sweet blueberry on the first ultrasound.

It’s been a pretty rough week for ol’ Mama Peele.  I keep thinking I’ll wake up one morning and this miserable world of constant nausea will be gone.  Unlikely story.  (Though the truth is, if I did wake up and it was completely gone, I’d probably be worried!)  It’s hard to imagine feeling this for the next 5 weeks, but I keep telling myself it is a small, miniscule price to pay for the gift we will receive when it’s all said and done.  It’s just been rough, because I can’t be myself, I have zero energy, and I’m constantly in pain.  I know, poor me.  I mean I’ve wanted this my whole life, how could I possibly complain?!  I think the hardest part right now is that very few people know, so I feel like I’m letting people down.  I already had to miss a day and a half of work this week because I was struggling so much!  I keep trying to push through, mind-over-matter, and I keep popping the prescription every 8 hours on.the.dot.  But whew, right now it’s me against the blueberry, and the blueberry is winning!

In other news, I can hardly button my jeans.  I’m only 7 ½ weeks pregnant, for Pete’s sake!!  And I can hardly eat!  How in the world are my jeans already not fitting?!  (The truth is, I can’t wait to have a baby bump, so bring it on.)

So, the biggest event of week 7 is that we finally told my brother and his wife the news!!!!!!  They came into town last night, and I anxiously waited for them to ask why I wasn’t participating in happy hour.  They didn’t notice!  Finally, my brother asked why I wasn’t going to be able to go to Sanford with them tomorrow to visit our family, and I said, “The same reason I’m not drinking!”  And then it finally sunk in.  They were so happy for us, and it was a relief to spill the beans to at least one more person.  My sister-in-law, my partner-in-crime, was so sweet all night and all day Saturday when she knew I was struggling.  I felt so bad, like I was letting them down on their trip to NC, but I really really tried to push through the pain!

By the way, I haven’t said this enough, but I have the most incredible husband ever.  All I do is talk about me on here, woe is me, poor me, blah blah blah.  Well, he’s having to deal with poor, pitiful me and he’s being pretty awesome.  You see, I can’t even think about food.  But sometimes, all of a sudden, I’ll think of ONE thing I think I can possibly stomach, and it may be 25 minutes across town, but he’ll jump off of the couch and go get it for me.  And sometimes, by the time he gets back, I can’t even eat it anymore!  I’m terrible.  But he hasn’t complained and is constantly making sure I’m okay and asking if I need anything.  I’m sure I’m driving him to insanity.  But I’ll make it up to him as soon as I can crawl out of this hole!

Today he actually asked me if I thought I was going to enjoy being pregnant.  OF COURSE!!!  You see, I’ve thought about being pregnant almost my entire life.  I always imagined having that pregnant glow, basking in the glorious anticipation of having a baby.  I didn’t even consider the possibility of 24-hour nausea turning my life upside down.  Truth be told, I almost feel like I’m failing pregnancy.  Like I’m losing.  And I know that sounds silly, but I want to get to the place of constant joy more than anything!  Hopefully, seeing our little one IN FIVE DAYS on the ultrasound screen will help me power through all of these long, rough days a little better.

So the next time I write, I will have been to the doctor TWICE.  Yippee!  The first appointment is just a nurse appointment, blood work, family history, etc.  Then a few days after that is the big one.

So my little blueberry, in five more days, get ready to give us a glimpse into your precious world.

"Morning" Sickness is Quite the Misnomer

Helloooooo Week 6.  And helloooooo morning sickness.

Morning sickness is really a misnomer.  They use the term “morning sickness” to trick you into believing that you’ll wake up, be sick, and then move on to the rest of your day.  If only.

Try twenty.four.hours.  Constant nausea.  Continuous misery.  Wondering how I’ll ever get through the entire day feeling like this, wishing the hours would pass quickly, so that the days would pass quickly, so that I could get through these first trimester weeks and hopefully through this yuckiness.  After knowing that my sister, sister-in-law, and mom all escaped the crippling grip of morning sickness, I guess I assumed I would, too.  W-R-O-N-G.

Well, as my hub reminded me, “You said you wanted to feel pregnant!”  And while it is nice to feel like there’s something going on inside my body, this something is pushing me to the limits (and to tears) every other millisecond.

I finally called the doctor yesterday, because I honestly was having trouble functioning and living my normal life.  They called in a prescription, and while I was hoping to get through the next 34 weeks drug-free, I succumbed to the nausea and popped the pills.  They give me a few hours of muted uneasiness, allowing me to at least consider folding the piles of laundry taking over our house.

In other news, yay for making it to 6 weeks!!  Our little one has now graduated to the size of a sweet pea (and it’s crazy that a sweet pea could be rocking my world so much!!).  We were able to meet up with my hub's mom and stepdad this week, sharing our exciting news and celebrating the joy together.  We were also able to spill the beans to our dear friends Ben and Sabrina, who are also knocked up and due in August.  Yay for future playdates!!
It is still absolutely, positively killing us not to tell our siblings.  Every time I talk to one of them, I literally have to constantly remind myself not to say anything!  Hopefully their anger at us for keeping this secret will be replaced with excitement, and they’ll forget all about how long we hid the news.

So now we venture on, continuing to feel so incredibly grateful and blessed while also nervously counting down the days until we see our sweet pea’s heartbeat on the ultrasound (12 days to go!).  I think I’ll be holding my breath for the next 12 days.

In the meantime, stay safe in there, sweet pea.  And know that no matter how much I complain about feeling miserable, it is all totally worth it.

We All Used To Be Apple Seeds!

Woohoo!!  Week 5!  Now that I’m growing a baby inside of me, everyday seems like it’s worth celebrating, because everyday we’ve made it a step further into the first trimester (which, as any mom knows, is a little worrisome)!!  So now we’ve graduated from poppy seed to apple seed… serious progress, if I do say so myself.  It’s crazy to me that at the size of an apple seed, our baby is currently forming it’s heart, spinal cord, and the beginnings of major organs.  WOW!  Life truly is a miracle, huh?!  We all used to be apple seeds!!

This past week has been pretty good – Feeling pretty exhausted at the end of the days, with killer lower-back pain… but other than that, I still cannot wrap my brain around the fact that a life is growing inside of me.  The hub and I decided it was time to tell our parents.  We were dying to share the news with SOMEBODY!!!!  With his birthday being this week, we knew we’d have a chance to tell his dad and stepmom and his mom and stepdad in person.  (We’re still waiting to set a dinner date with his mom and stepdad… it’s killing us!)

Since his stepmom's birthday is also coming up, we decided to meet for dinner this week, and within her birthday gift was Always Have Popsicles, a book that talks about how to be the best grandparents.  So as soon as they got to the restaurant, we made her open the present right away – we couldn’t contain ourselves!  So she opens it up, and she’s looking through the book, and they already have a grandson (my sister-in-law's baby) so I just KNEW she was going to think it was about him.  So we’re just sitting there, holding hands under the table, waiting for the realization to set in.  I thought my obnoxiously loud heartbeat was going to give it away!! 

So my hub's dad looks at the book, and you could kind of see a smile creep across the corners of his mouth, like maybe he had it figured out, but didn’t want to get his hopes up quite yet… So then I said, “We figured you may need that a little more now…” and then it hit them!!  They were so excited and their reactions were perfect.  My father-in-law said, “When?!  When?!”  And we told them sometime in October, that we are still very early but needed to share the news with our parents and especially needed their prayers during this anxious, hopeful time.

Meanwhile, about three hours away, there was quite an important letter sitting in my parents’ mailbox, waiting for them to get home.  We’d tried to time it perfectly so that they would find out around the same time (since there really was no way to tell my parents in person anytime soon), so I’d sent the special letter in the mail on Tuesday.  Well, I knew they usually got home around 6:00ish, so we’d hoped we’d have a chance to talk to my parents on the way to the restaurant.  But, lo and behold, no phone call.  It was driving me crazy!  FINALLY, about an hour into our dinner, my phone rang and the screen said, “Mom.”  Yessss!!  Hub and I jumped up from the table, I answered the call, and we were flooded with tears and excitement from my parents.  They’d finally opened the poem, which read:

“Digby, grab your hammer,
And get ready to do your best…
‘Cause we’re gonna need you to add
Another name to the toy chest!

Grammy, grab your knitting needles,
And maybe another crib, too…
‘Cause sometime in October,
We’ll have another grandchild for you!”

We spoke to them briefly, promising to call them on our way home from dinner so we could fill them in on all the details.

There’s something about having our parents know that gives me a greater sense of peace.  You see, I truly believe in the power of prayer, and I can feel their prayers, their wishes, their hopes.  So can my little apple seed.  And I will continue to let myself experience the joys of knowing that my hub and I are going to have a baby, believing in God’s plan and that the little one growing inside of me is just fine.

Our first ultrasound is now less than three weeks away – We can’t wait to see the precious heartbeat and finally get a due date!

In the meantime, I will continue to fight the urge to spill the beans to every single person I know.  The hardest thing for me right now (other than pushing my worries aside) is not telling my siblings.  We are all incredibly close, and as much as I’m dying to tell them, I will be seeing some of them in person in the next few weeks, and it just seems like it’s totally worth it to wait to tell them about their new niece/nephew face-to-face.

So here’s to 5 weeks… Only 35 to go.  And I will cherish each and every moment that I have this miracle is growing inside of me…

Keeping the Faith

So, since we’re unsure of my exact due date, right now I am somewhere in the ballpark of 4 weeks.  Still very, very early.  Which means I’m still very, very nervous.  But I’m saying a prayer each day that God will give me peace, that our baby will be okay, and that God’s Will will be done.  I’m trying to convince myself that whatever happens at this point is totally out of our control.  All I can do is take care of myself, try to stay healthy, and believe in the power of prayer.

The day after we found out, we had a little scare.  I rushed to the doctor and had a blood test done, which confirmed that yes, I am definitely pregnant.  I then went back two days later to make sure my levels doubled in 48 hours – Well, they went from 150 to over 500!  I’m trying to find peace in those results, knowing that they don’t promise that things will be okay from here on out, but they are a good sign.  And I thought TRYING to get pregnant was stressful!

My hub and I continue to pray daily, I continue to talk to my little poppy seed (because yes, that’s how small it is right now!).  We’re already convinced it’s a girl, though we plan on not finding out until his/her birthday.  I’m feeling pretty good, other than my lower back killing me.  And I’m hungry quite often – But that’s not really much of a change!  But I’m still so nervous and I can’t shake it!

I think that’s one of the main reasons I’ve decided to start this journal, which I hope to turn into a blog after we reveal the news to the world.  I feel like maybe if I type out my worries, my anxieties, my hopes, and my dreams, it’ll help.  Right now it’s just me and the hub – and while he is being incredible, and definitely keeping me grounded, sometimes it’s hard to have all of these emotions going through my head.  I’m realizing that I am the only one (with God’s help) who can bring myself peace through the next few critical weeks.  I have three friends who recently miscarried, and I think that’s why I’m so scared.  Plus, we want to start a family so bad – we want THIS baby so bad – I just can’t imagine something going wrong.

So I’ve gotta keep the faith.  And have patience.  And be at peace.  And trust.  And I have to realize that all I can do is take one step at a time, trust His plan for our lives, and believe that everything is going to be just fine.  Everything is going to be just perfect with our poppy seed.

It All Begins...

Well, just this morning I was lying in bed tossing and turning at 7:30am (much to my hub's dismay… it’s the weekend, for Pete’s sake!), because I could NOT turn off my brain.  This seems to be the norm these days – As soon as I open my eyes in the morning, there’s no way I can fall back asleep.  Because as soon as I am awake, I remember… I’M PREGNANT!!!!  And the whole sleep thing?  Yeah, it’s pretty much impossible at that point.

So this morning, I decided I wanted to start a sort of “pregnancy journal” to document my feelings, emotions, body changes, etc.  Once we're ready to announce our news to the world, I'll publish the journal onto a blog to start documenting our life as a family of three.  So I’m going to start by backtracking a little bit, to the day we found out – Monday, January 31, 2011.

For the entire week leading up to January 31st, I’d had a feeling.  But I REALLY didn’t want to get my hopes up.  I kept wanting to take a test, but kept forcing myself to wait.  I told myself I could test on Tuesday.  But Monday morning, I couldn’t take it anymore.  So when the alarm went off at 5:00am, my heart started pounding, as I knew I was about to find out whether or not we were going to have a baby.

I went into the bathroom, and proceeded to take three - yes three - tests.  They were all positive.  HOLY COW!!!!!  I was pregnant!!!!!!!!!!  I went back into the bedroom, turned the lamp on, and said, “Hey, babe – our lives just totally changed.”  He, being half asleep, was quite confused.  “I’m pregnant!!!!”  Well, that woke him up!  And after he got over being upset with me that I’d taken a test without telling him I was going to, we sat there for about thirty minutes or so, just trying to soak it all in.

Finding out I was pregnant was something I’d been waiting for since September – Well, actually, something I’d been waiting for my entire life.  I cannot WAIT to be a mom.

That day at work was worthless.  My brain was all over the place, I was trying not to bust at the seams with excitement, and I was immediately scared that something would go wrong during these first precious weeks.  I immediately made appointments (our first ultrasound is March 3rd!), cut out caffeine (yikes!), and starting reading into every little twinge.

On January 31, 2011, our lives changed… forever.  Sometime in October, we will be bringing another life into this incredible world.