"Can you believe this is our family?" He asked. "Can you believe we have three kids?"
"No!" I replied. "Everyday I look around and absolutely cannot believe this is my life..."
We then talked about how just a few short years ago we were struggling to grow our family. We had our CK - your sissy - and our hearts ached to give her a sibling. To create the family we'd both dreamed of for so long.
But it just wasn't happening...
...
One afternoon, in the middle of our losses and fertility struggles, your dad sat on our back porch in North Carolina and was asked by someone near and dear to him: "How much money are you willing to spend to try to have another baby? How far are you going to go with this?"
I didn't know about this conversation until recently. But it doesn't surprise me one bit that your dad's response was,
"It's just money. At the end of the day, it's just money. This is what Jessie and I want - our dream is to create this family, and we're going to fight for it, no matter what it takes. Because when I look back at my life, I want to know I did everything I could to make this dream come true. THIS is what matters."
...
Everette, I can tell you with absolute certainty that you were worth every ounce of fight we put into getting you here. I honestly have a hard time even remembering what my life was like before you were in it - you bring so much joy and love and happiness and energy into our family, and we are all better people because of you, sweet boy.
I cannot believe it has been two whole years since you came into our lives! Your birth was the most emotional one for me, and I think I will forever look at you as my reminder to never give up, to never lose hope...
Every single day I am learning how to be a boy mom, thanks to you - my ball- and tool-loving, full-of-energy, nonstop, mischievous, silly, dirty, scraped-knee little buster.
You always refer to yourself in the third-person, which I love. You are inquisitive and stubborn and sweet and sneaky! You're finally learning your colors, and right now I think your favorite is orange. You think you can count to ten, though it goes something like this: "1, 2, 3... 7, 8, 9, 10!" You love macaroni and cheese and applesauce and your Halloween candy, and would prefer to snack all day long rather than eat actual meals. In fact, you probably say "I'm really really hungry!" about fifteen times a day.
When you sleep, you still suck the first two fingers on your left hand while rubbing the back of your right hand on your sheet. When I see you doing that, it reminds me just how little you still are. <3
You usually want to sing a song or two before we tuck you in snug-as-a-bug each night. And you're still a great sleeper, just like you've always been.
And speaking of singing - it's one of your favorite things to do! Twinkle Twinkle, ABCs, Baa Baa Black Sheep, Jesus Loves me... hearing your sweet voice sing is one of my most favorite things in the whole world.
One of my other most favorite things in the whole world? Watching you be a brother.
You absolutely adore your "sissy" and you are so excited each day when it's time to pick her up from school. You're finally able to keep up with her, and you make her tougher each day during your wrestling matches. (Keep it up... she needs it!)
And I cannot even put into words how proud I am of you in your new role as BIG brother. Your entire world was flipped upside down when Brooks came into our family in September. And while it's been tough for you to learn how to be gentle with him, you really haven't shown an ounce of jealousy. It's like you grew up overnight, which my mama heart can't take! You want to help me with him and always want to make sure he's ok, and I can already see the love you have for him. He's a lucky little guy, Everette, because he gets to spend his whole life looking up to you... <3
...
The other night, when your dad and I were having that conversation about our family of five, we started talking about you. And specifically about what all went in to getting you here. And he said...
"Gosh, I just can't even imagine life without him."
And I feel the exact same way.
You are such a joy, buddy. From the minute you were born it was like you already knew just how precious life is, just how beautiful our world can be. And living my life as your mama makes each day an adventure, makes each day a day I know will be full of tickles and smiles and laughter and energy and the best kind of noise.
I am and will forever be grateful for you.. My rainbow baby. The one who painted a beautiful picture for us after so many storms.
I love you with all my heart and soul.
-Mommy
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