To the Big Brother...

Dear Everette:

I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday.  I remember the look on your daddy's face when he exclaimed, IT'S A BOY!  Both of us in complete disbelief - him in utter shock, with a sparkle in his eyes that hasn't left since the moment we met you.

You made so many of our dreams come true, buddy.

We fought hard for you.  There were multiple losses before you, lots of doctor appointments and worrying and questions and doubts and fear and faith and shots and medicines and treatments and tears and hope - lots and lots of hope.

And when your dad and I sat in the hospital room, taking turns holding and staring and snuggling your sweet, newborn self - we felt so overwhelmed by God's trust in us to be your parents.  And we truly felt like our family was complete.

And then, about 14 months later, we found out God had other plans - and that another baby would be joining our family!

I truly never imagined that you'd have the opportunity to be a big brother... not after everything we'd gone through to have you - our Rocky, our son, our miracle.  But now I know with all of my heart that you were meant to be a big brother, and I cannot wait to watch you take on that role in just a couple days.

I've been soaking up my time with you lately - giggling and playing and staring and breathing in every ounce of who you are, as I know things are about to get a little crazy for you around here.  This will be your first time having a baby around...  And while you're used to me dividing my attention between you and your big sister, we're all going to have to learn how to navigate life as a family of five.

To be honest, I'm a little nervous... not because I doubt your ability to be a big brother - but because you are still so young, I'm not quite sure you understand what is about to happen.

BUT.

I know without a doubt that as time passes, and with a big sister like CK, you will quickly learn that having another sibling is just about the greatest thing in the world.

And mostly?  I cannot wait to watch you experience a whole new kind of life as a big brother, can't wait to watch your heart learn a whole new kind of love that is absolutely unconditional.

You are so incredibly special to your dad and me... you will never, ever know just how much you changed our lives the moment you were born.  And I don't want you to ever forget that - no matter how crazy life gets in the coming weeks, don't you ever forget that you, Everette Lawrence, taught us to find joy in all things, to live life without abandon from the moment you wake up 'til the moment you fall asleep, to never lose hope.

I love you, buddy roo, with all my heart and soul.

-Mama <3