Monday, June 23, 2014

It's a....


And a healthy one, as far as we can tell!!

I cannot even begin to explain how anxious I was leading up to today's anatomy scan.  I feel like so many people anticipate the big 20-week ultrasound with excitement, because most people are finding out whether they'll have a son or a daughter.  Well, take that away (remember, we're team green!) and all I was focused on was IS ROCKY OKAY IN THERE?!

As soon as the ultrasound tech started the scan, there he/she was - wiggling all around and BIG.  Measuring 5 days big, to be exact.  (Remember, CK was 9 lbs 14 oz when she was born.  T and I make toddler-sized newborns.)  The doc said that puts my due date somewhere around November 7th based on measurement.  We started with the 12th, then it changed to the 10th, now they're saying 7th-ish... so, we'll see!  I know Rocky will come when he/she is ready, so I'm not really concerned about the actual due date.

Anyway... So as far as the tech could tell, all looked dandy in there.  It always amazes me how in detail they get during the anatomy scan.  The measurements they take, the parts they look for.  It all just looks like a squishy, moving blob to me and she's over there measuring heart ventricles and stuff.  Of course, when she went down south we promptly closed our eyes so we wouldn't see the goods (or lack of goods!).  I have to say, even though we are 100% firm on our not-finding-out-the-gender stance, it is rather tempting to know that she could've told us right then and there.  I asked her if she saw what it was, and she said yes... but she made sure not to put it in my chart so that another nurse/doctor doesn't accidentally let it slip.

Unfortunately, the baby was moving so much that all pictures were quite blurry and he/she was in a position that didn't allow for the obligatory cute-profile-in-utero snapshot.  This is about as good as it got...
 Chubby little arm!

We did, however, get to see our Rocky sucking his/her thumb, yawning, and sticking out his/her tongue.  It was incredible, and the whole experience went by way too quickly.  They may do another ultrasound toward the end since CK was massive, just to check whether we should go ahead and enroll Rocky in kindergarten...  But for now, we're soaking up this joyful time and looking forward to so many dreams coming true in 20ish weeks!

In other news, I managed to put on 8lbs in 4 weeks.  To quote the doctor, "Well, it looks like you've had a good month in the kitchen!"  Oops.  Or not oops?  Like I did with CK, I have been enjoying eating while pregnant.  I'm not totally letting myself go, but I am letting myself splurge and eat a a little more of the things I really want to eat.  And interestingly enough, I have exercised more in the past 4 weeks than I have in the past 5 months.  Go figure!  Anyway, I say bring on the bump and the lbs.  After everything we went through to get where we are, I could care less about the number on the scale.

And to be honest, it really is still so surreal that we're here.  I can't act like I'm not still filled with fear every single day that somehow this will be taken away from us, that something will go wrong.  I think it's probably normal in our situation... the constant worry.  But I have to say with each passing day, with today's scan, with each kick and punch I feel in my tummy - I can't help but to be filled with so much joy.  To still grieve for the path that led us here, but to feel so grateful to be here, no matter what it took.  Seeing that screen this morning, seeing our little miracle... it was breathtaking.  And when I think about holding this baby in my arms in four and a half months, my heart wants to explode. <3

"Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shall you dwell in the land, and truly you shall be fed." (Psalm 37:3)

"Delight yourself also in the Lord:  and he shall give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him." (Psalm 28:7)
Halfway there, and a proud big sister at this morning's checkup!