Tuesday, May 3, 2016

I Remember the Days I Prayed for What I Have Now

After we'd left the house to run errands this morning, I realized I'd forgotten to put the stroller in the car.  I was far enough away from home that I couldn't go back to get it, especially since we were running late (because CK couldn't get the seam on her sock to lay flat).  I didn't want E to miss his haircut appointment, so I decided I'd be brave enough to run all of our errands sans the toddler restraining device stroller.

After his haircut, we were Walgreens-bound.  The damage?  A broken perfume bottle, many containers of of Vitamin C rolling around on the ground, and a bite out of an un-purchased Milky Way (that was eventually purchased).

Next up?  Staples.  After Walgreens I had decided this was the last stop I had in me.  At one point both kids had handfuls of Sharpies and were running around the store giggling furiously, with E missing a shoe (that was later discovered on the aisle with the bubble wrap).

We all arrived home hungry and cranky, so I sent the kids to play in the backyard while I made lunch.  Within minutes I looked out of the window and noticed that E was barefoot in the grass and had something questionable in his hand.

Dog poop.

He had a handful of Bailey's poop, and upon further investigation both feet were also completely covered.

I swear I had looked down for like two minutes to cut a peanut butter and jelly sandwich INTO RECTANGLES PLEASE and E had found a pile of poop and played in it like it was a mud puddle.

I got him inside and cleaned him up (while holding my breath... I can't even describe how awful it was) and before I finished drying him off, CK comes inside and says, sheepishly, "Mama... come look and see what happened."

I go out onto the back porch and our outdoor ottoman is ripped wide open.  Not a huge loss, since it came from Target a few years ago.... but the dang thing was filled with these tiny little styrofoam balls that were now everywhere.  One wind gust later and they were all over the backyard and inside every little nook and cranny of our deck.  I rushed inside to get our dustbuster and get back outside to see that E has managed to get a fistful into his mouth.

Y'all, I kid you not.  All of this happened before noon today.

Did I lose my cool at all during this ridiculous morning?  Yes, yes I did.  I raised my voice when I shouldn't have, was too short with the kids when I should've been more patient.  But, in my head I kept repeating a quote a dear friend recently shared with me:

I remember the days I prayed for what I have now.

It is not lost on me that two and a half years ago I would've done just about anything to be chasing around a four-year-old AND a wild toddler with another baby growing in my belly.  If you would've told me back then that I'd be four months away from being a mama of three, I wouldn't have believed you.
I remember the days I prayed for what I have now.

I remember trying to get pregnant with CK, month after month, wondering if I'd ever get to be a mom.  Knowing my whole life I had dreamed of having a baby, of having babieS... and worrying every second of everyday that it may never happen.
I remember the days I prayed for what I have now.

If you come over to my house on any given day, there will be toys EVERYWHERE.  My house will be clean-ish - you won't find too many dust bunnies, the floors will have been recently vacuumed and mopped, and rarely if ever will you find dishes in the sink... But there will likely be baby dolls strewn all around, a random sock here or there, shoes not put away, crayons left on the table, and a few crumbs left on the highchair from breakfast.  And I'm getting to a point in my life that I know it's okay.  That I don't have to apologize for the mess, for our constant state of disarray, how we're always a traveling circus.  That this is my now - a toy-filled, loud, messy house, a struggle to be anywhere on time, a tantrum in Kroger.  
This is not to say that I don't have days (like today) where I want to wave the white flag, disappear for awhile, cry, take a long, long nap, eat all the chocolate.  But I am trying to be more aware of just how incredibly blessed I am to have two healthy children in this beautifully chaotic house, and one rolling around inside of my belly.

Because more often than not, I feel like I'm going to wake up and this will all be a dream.  A too-good-to-be-true dream... dog poop and screaming in Staples and crunched up Cheerios and all.

One day these moments - the big and the small, the quiet and the loud, the hard and the joyful, the challenging and the amazing - they'll be memories.  Our house will be too quiet, too clean, too empty.  And I will always, always be on time.

So today?  Today I'm working really hard on embracing this beautiful chaos and loving it from top to bottom, always remembering the day I prayed with all my might for the incredible blessings I have now. <3