Cupcakes & Running Shoes: Pain

No, I’m not talking about the pain of my recovery – I know you’re sick of hearing about it, and to be quite honest, it’s starting to be a distant memory… I’d always heard that you quickly forget about the aches and pains associate with pregnancy, labor, delivery, and recovery – which only makes sense, or else why would people have the courage to have more than one?! And since having another already seems like a wonderful idea, that must mean the amnesia is setting in. J

Anyway, the pain I’m talking about is the bone-deep ache I feel anytime I am away from my girl. When have I been away from her, you ask? Well, there’s the date night hub and I had when my mom was in town… I didn’t make it through our date without shedding tears. And then there’s the breakfast date we had yesterday while my brother and his wife were in town… a short trip to IHOP (classy, I know) left me DYING to have C back in my arms. (Though I thoroughly enjoyed the pumpkin pancakes! – thanks for babysitting D & J!!) And finally, there are the moments when she’s asleep, or in someone else’s arms – I miss her!! If it were up to me, I would hold C 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the rest of her life – or at least until she’s 18. J

I know, I know – I realize how important it is for the hub and I to escape for some dates, for me to live a life outside of my daughter, to find time to bathe… but truth be told, I never knew I could love somebody so much… it’s the kind of love that makes you ache in your bones – a love that gives you the greatest sense of happiness you’ve ever felt – a love that makes you feel so fulfilled, so full of joy that everything else around you slowly fades away and it becomes all about my sweet Cameron Kate.

What did I do before she existed?

Today, I have to come to terms with the fact that she’s 4 weeks old – holy cow! Time needs to SLOW down… hub and I were saying yesterday that this has been the fastest 4 weeks of our lives, and I imagine it won’t ever slow down again. It kills me inside to think that my maternity leave is already 1/3 of the way over. I’m trying not to think about it, trying to soak in every moment with her because I can’t imagine not being with her all day everyday. Stay-at-home mom sounds like the ideal job right about now. J

We’re doing well in the Peele house, slowly transitioning from survival mode to figuring-this-out mode. I’m trying to get to know our girl, what her different cries mean, how to suit her needs… and while some days and nights are better than others, I really feel like we’re starting to make a little progress. We have her 1 month checkup this week and I can’t wait to see how much she weighs! As any breastfeeding mom knows, you live and die by your baby’s weight gain. Come on CKP!

Speaking of breastfeeding, I have to say that it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, one of the biggest commitments I’ve ever made. To be quite honest, before she came along, I thought, “I’m gonna breastfeed for the first year!” Ha. Now I’m taking it one day, one feeding at a time. It is TOUGH. Any mom who’s done it can tell you – it’s one of the most selfless things you'll probably ever do for your child, and I fully intend on doing it as long as possible… but as rewarding as it is, it has been a physical, mental, and emotional battle.

We had a wonderful weekend with Aunt Jamie and Uncle Dame! Aunt Jamie made us the BEST present – it’s a book of all of my blog posts throughout my pregnancy!!!! There is no way I can ever thank her enough for giving me something I (and Cameron) will treasure forever. J They also spoiled C with lots of love and spoiled the hub and I with a delicious dinner and with taking over the 3am bottle. We were very sad to see them drive away yesterday, but look forward to the holidays!

Before I go wake up C from her nap, I have to toot my horn for 2 reasons… First of all, I attempted my first solo outing! We loaded up and headed to Babies ‘R Us – I figured if she decided to throw a fit in the middle of the outing, that was a good place for a baby to cry. We survived! This weekend the hub and I took her to Lowes and to the mall… while the mall gave me quite a bit of anxiety (all those people! all those germs!), it was so nice to get out and about as a family of three.

The other reason I need to toot my own horn is that I hit the treadmill for the first time today!! C went down for a good nap, so I strapped on my tennis shoes, squeezed my squishiness into some workout clothes, and got my butt moving. While I haven’t officially been “released” by my doc, I figured I could monitor based on my pain. I was able to alternate between speed walking and slow jogging, followed by lunges and squats – all of which felt quite foreign to this out-of-shape body… but it felt GOOD. The burning in my lungs, the muscles in my legs – it was like coming home. (Even though I had the video monitor beside me and stared at it for the entire duration of my workout.) Hopefully I’ll be able to find time during some of her naps to get myself back in shape – first I guess I’ll have to see if I can even walk tomorrow since my legs now feel like jello!

Ok, remember when I said I missed her while she was asleep? Time to go wake up my girl…