There was a dark time in my life where I literally could not get out of bed. Brooks was only a couple months old, and I specifically remember lying in a dark room in the Luton house, Linds taking care of my kids so that I could hide from the world.
She'd bring Brooks in so that I could nurse him, and then take him away so that I could go back to hiding.
Back to crying, back to being sick to my stomach, back to weaving through my disbelief and heartbreak, back to worrying and feeling the most scared I have ever felt in my entire life.
I also specifically remember the moment I pulled the covers off and put one foot on the floor, and then the other.
In that moment, I took a step forward, out of that dark room, toward the sunshine... and all I could think about was you.
Little do you know that you, mama, are the reason I was able to find the courage to navigate my storm. The courage to let myself actually feel the pain and see the darkness, so that I could find my way to the light.
Because of you, I am me.
A mama to the three most incredible children...
Three children who now give me the courage to keep living in yellow...
...a courage I keep in my heart, always, because of you.
Thank you for living a life of meaning, a life of beauty, a life of pain, a life of healing, a life of hope, a life of laughter.
Thank you for standing by my side, always. For speaking truth, even when it hurt. For being my best friend.
For being the kind of mama I try everyday to be for my own kids.
Thank you for running with the wolves, and for making me believe that I can, too.
Happy Mother's Day to the woman who both gave and saved my life.
To the moon,
- your Jesseeca
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