To My Sweet-and-Salty FOUR-Year-Old

We were driving home from preschool, on a day during which you'd had to (once again) visit the director because of your behavior.

"Mommy, you see those pretty flowers right there?  On the side of the road?  If we were walking down the street and we were closer to your house, I would pick some for you and give them to you."

<3

To my sweet-and-salty FOUR-year-old,

You, Everette, are a daily reminder of balance.

One minute I am holding my breath and counting to ten over and over and over again to remain patient and calm because of your shenanigans...

And then the next, I am wrapped around those sweet, precious fingers and could just melt into a puddle because I love you so much it is physically paralyzing.

I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday.  I remember the intense love and relief and hope I felt deep down in my bones, deep down in the holes of a heart that had ached with loss and infertility for so long...

Your first breaths of life filled the broken places of my heart, and you immediately became a little boy whose presence was a daily reminder to never lose hope.

I still remember when you were in my belly and we called you Rocky.  There were several times we weren't sure you'd be here... and then you were, but not without a delivery room that went eerily silent when everyone saw your umbilical cord tied off in a complete knot.  It was like the symbolic reminder that you had defeated the odds.  We weren't sure how you were here, beautiful (AND BIG!) and squishy and perfect.

You are a challenge and a joy, a sweet spot and a rough edge, a boundless amount of energy and a snuggle spot on the couch.

You love the Hulk and Power Rangers and Star Wars and our treat drawer and bringing me flowers and telling me I'm pretty. <3

You climb onto and jump off of any and everything you can.  In fact, I'm not sure you've ever gotten to the bottom stair of a staircase, because you typically jump from the middle step all the way down to the floor.

You inherited your mama's sweet tooth, and will pretty much do anything to get a treat.  You love food in general, but take forever to eat.  Which is why your sister has nicknamed you FOREVER-ette.

You love singing and you love listening to the radio, and you always want to know what the song is called and who is singing and is that a boy or a girl and do they have short hair or long.

You make me a better person.  You teach me that sometimes, it's okay to break the rules (a little!), to be silly instead of serious, to jump from the top, to love the life we've been given.

I think you know I'm wrapped around your sweet little four-year-old finger. 
You are a rule-breaker and a heart-stealer.  You will simultaneously bring me joy and embarrassment.  You toe the line of danger with each passing moment, and remind me to let go and let live.  You are smart, and you are brave, and you are independent... but you still need your mama to scratch your back and love all over you in order to wake up and start your day.

You've gotten your head stuck in a cannon at a national monument, you've opened the car door with your foot while I was driving down the highway, and you've gotten in trouble at school more in the past year than I ever did in my entire life...

You have a dimple that makes my heart skip, you have a soul that is deep and kind and sensitive, and you make me feel a depth of love I didn't know existed until I became your mama.  I can't really explain it... but there's a different kind of bond between you and me.  Like our souls are connected in the stars.  And I know without a shadow of a doubt that long before either of us stepped into this side of life, God knew you'd be my son.  And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Happy Happy FOURTH Birthday, Everette Lawrence.  Thank you for being just exactly who you are, and for loving me, and for letting me learn how to be the best mama I can possibly be for you in this beautiful life we get to live together.

I love with all my heart and soul...
~Mommy