Thankful...

I've said it over, and over, and over again...

Thanksgiving is my favorite. <3

I was recently asked why this holiday is at the top of my list...

And there are so many reasons.

Obviously --

I.LOVE.FOOD.

And helloooooo to alllllll the glorious, calorie-free, delicious food of Thanksgiving.

[P.S. You can have the cranberry sauce all to yourself.]

But honestly, Thanksgiving is my favorite because it's like we all just pause for a minute before the hustle and bustle of Christmas... before the crossing off of lists and standing in lines and buying presents and wrapping gifts... and we just spend a day with our most favorite people, doing a whole lot of the best kind of nothing.

But it is a whole lot of the best kind of nothing that makes my heart feel SO big.

Talking and laughing and catching up and leaving to-do lists behind and gathering around a table and throwing a football and watching littles giggle together and...

JUST BEING ENOUGH.

...

This Thanksgiving is hitting me hard, perhaps even harder than last year.

Last year I found myself hanging on by a thread.  An emotional mess.  Crying at the drop of a hat.  Going through the motions...

This year?

I am still hanging on by a thread.
...but for different reasons.  
I am hanging on by a thread because being a full-time classroom teacher + single mama of three tiny littles + financially strapped + daughter + sister + friend + aunt + etc. etc. etc. means life truly is kicking my butt...

I am still an emotional mess.
...but for different reasons.  
I am an emotional mess because I have come so far in the past year, and damnit I am proud of myself.  It's taken a ton of work - so much work - and still takes work... mentally, emotionally, physically... but I am emotional because I am so humbled by the ways God has provided, ways I didn't even believe existed until I braved and survived the past year.

I am still crying.
...but for different reasons.   
I am crying because I can't believe I'm here... a year later - full of joy and happiness and strength, and also full of a hope I didn't know I'd ever feel again... <3

But-- I am not simply going through the motions anymore.
Rather, I find myself feeling each motion, each emotion, finding intentionality in the big and in the small, in the extravagant and in the mundane...

...

My trio and I have been documenting all of the things we're thankful for this year, and their answers have been precious--

Ellie
Mommy & Daddy & family
Hannah and Bennett and other friends from school
Bubble Gum, especially Hubba Bubba
Moxie
Tall Socks
Headbands
Grapes

 As for me?

I'm thankful for every nook and cranny of my life, thankful for who I've always been, of who I am still becoming...

Thankful for the hard times, because the valleys eventually lead to peaks...

And I am thankful for...

My yellow front door.

I am thankful for my incredible children, our health, my amazing family... I am thankful for my inspiring students, dry shampoo, happy hour, coffee and Friday donuts...

And I am thankful for HOPE.

My most favorite word.

I am thankful for HOPE rooted in a heart that is still fearful, still figuring itself out and what it wants/needs/desires... but nonetheless, I am thankful for a hopeful heart that reminds me that I am in charge of taking my past, accepting and owning my story, and beginning to open myself up to a brand new, happy, courageous, vulnerable and joyful ending...

 So happy, happy, happy heartwarming, hope-filled, belly-stuffed Thanksgiving to you and to all of yours... <3