E is THREE

E,

Yesterday, I told you all about how I used to call you "Rocky" when you were in my tummy.  It was hard to try to explain to your three-year-old brain why - why I'd given you that nickname.  

But one day, you'll know.

You'll know how hopeless I felt on the day before my IVF egg retrieval, when they told me they needed to cancel the retrieval because instead of the hopeful 8-14 eggs.... there was only one.

You'll know how my stomach filled with the most beautiful butterflies when, against all odds, I saw the word "pregnant" three weeks later.

You'll know how scared I was to lose you.

You'll know much I dreaded giving myself blood thinner shots straight into my bruised stomach, each and every night.  But also how much I looked forward to those shots, because it meant you'd stayed safe in that bruised belly for another day.

You'll know how worried I was when they thought I had an iron deficiency that was affecting you.

You'll know how much I wished and hoped and prayed for you and every part of your being, inside and out.

You'll know how excited I was to meet you, counting down the days.

You'll know how your birth was one of the single greatest, most breathtaking moments of my entire life.

You'll know that when I saw your umbilical cord in a complete, tight knot, it also took my breath away.

You, Everette Lawrence, in your first single breath of life, taught me to persevere, to keep fighting.

To never lose hope.

And today, you are t-h-r-e-e.

I am such a sucker for your sweet, sneaky, mischievous, three-year-old self.  And you know it.

You are all-boy, all the time.

You love macaroni and cheese, Miss Katie, applesauce, Abigail, donuts, grapes, and to break the rules.

You adore your big sister, and are starting to feel the same way about your little brother. :)

You like your sleep, superheroes, Ninja Turtles, your scooter, and wrestling.

You still suck the first two fingers on your left hand, but promised you'd quit when you turned three...

You potty-trained like a champ awhile back, and spent the final night sleeping in a crib last night.  Today, I surprised you with bunk beds and a new big boy room, and it was so cool, buddy.

I remember fighting with every ounce of fight I could muster to bring you into this world.  Something inside of me kept telling me to not give up, even when I wanted to, even when I felt like I was at the end of my rope -- when I was exhausted and hormonal and feeling guilty from trying, trying, trying to grow our family and so many people felt like it was time to give up.

And now I know why I couldn't give up.

Because my heart knew there was a piece missing, a piece that could only be filled by your first, perfect breath of life.

Everette Lawrence, happy, happy HAPPY third birthday.  Thank you for choosing me, for loving me, for allowing me to be your mama through a life you make so fun and adventurous.

I love you, buddy, with all my heart and soul.
~Mama

~And as requested, we celebrated with a preschool party, donuts only, with a Captain America shield you can throw, with a backyard celebration including a bounce house, with superheroes, and with a Spider-Man cake that was red. <3