4 Days in the Wood[land]

You know how sometimes you have experiences that are life-changing, heart-altering, eye-opening... and yet you can't seem to put those experiences into words?

That's what Woodland Christian Camp was to me.

When I said yes, I initially didn't know why - I didn't even really know what to expect - but what I did know was that God wanted me to be there.

"Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place..."

I was a counselor and bible lesson teacher at the preteen camp, which consists of four days with rising 4th, 5th, and 6th graders.  I stayed in a cabin, in the middle of the woods, where I had to walk outside of my cabin to get to a bathroom/sink/mirror/shower/toilet.

I was completely out of my comfort zone.

And it was perfection.

The camp had 80+ campers, both boys and girls.  I was assigned to be camp counselor for a group of twelve girls along with my dear friend, who also wholeheartedly poured herself into this opportunity.

Logistically speaking...  there were mission opportunities, bible lessons, recreation time, swimming in the pool, so much food, dancing, praying, campfires, fishing, canoeing, paddle-boating, slip-n-sliding, zip-lining, bungee-dropping, and relay races.

But what happened for me at this camp went so much deeper than the activities and daily schedule.

And this is where I struggle to find the words to adequately express what my time at Woodland meant to me.  Maybe because it is supposed to be only between God and me, forever kept inside the protection of my own heart?

But I what I will share is this...

I was surrounded by a group of girls who changed my life.  A group of girls whose hearts were pure and innocent and like sponges, soaking in the words and love of Jesus.

I was among campers who made themselves more vulnerable in four days than I've ever made myself in 36+ years.  A vulnerability that was inspiring, that rocked me to my core, that made me want to be a better Christian, a better human being.

"Before I bring my need, I will bring my heart..."

I cannot even explain how nice it was to be completely away from my daily comforts and crutches - Netflix, social media, my constant to-do list, a mirror(!)... Instead, I was all wrapped up in the simplicity of being around some of the most incredible children and adults, people young and old who opened my eyes to more than they'll ever know... people young and old who made my heart feel things it has never felt... people young and old who made me smile and laugh so much my cheeks and abs are still sore.

And I sat in awe of the man who has become my better half, falling more and more in love with him with each passing hour...

 ... the man who has taken over helping run this week of camp to carry on the legacy of his late father.  

I watched Jason comfort kids and make them laugh and I heard so, so many of the campers say that they will always come this very week so that they can be with him.

...

There was a moment on Tuesday when the pain of being away from my own children was so debilitating I had to lie down in my bunk for a minute.  I was holding back tears, when about half of my girls jumped into my bed so that I could help them with understanding their bible verses and quiz them on their scripture memory work.

And I realized that CK, Everette, and Brooks didn't need me in that moment.  These kids did.  And as I posted in my last blog, I made myself refocus on being where my feet are.

And for the past few days, my feet have been in a place that has forever changed who I am, what I am, and who/what I want to be.  I have been in a place where I heard a rooster crow the early morning hours, where I was constantly surrounded by the most precious sincerity of giggling children, where I spent each night taking in worship music and the crackling of a campfire, where I found myself in tears listening to the sweet voices of children singing and praising God.

"I once was lost, but now, I'm found..."

In true Jessie fashion, I snuck away before the camp awoke each morning to steal some alone time for a run.  During these runs, I worked through and processed so many things, felt so many emotions, both good and hard... and I was constantly analyzing my Woodland experience, why God wanted me there.  

And this morning, during my last and final run with the sunrise, I realized...

I am His, too.

Last week I had such a hard time saying goodbye to my own kids as they left for some time with their dad, but I wrote all about how they are His, and that I need to trust Him while they are away.

And it took me venturing to the middle of the woods, away from my daily comforts and distractions, surrounded by the purest form of love and inspiration and spirituality to realize that just like my kids, I am not here on this earth for me.  My time here is His.

I AM HIS, TOO.

"So take this heart, Lord - I'll be your vessel.  The world to see, your love in me..."

I AM HIS, TOO.

...

I will take my time at Woodland, I will take the sounds and images and moments that are forever engraved into my heart, and I will do all I can to let them shape me into the vessel God desires me to be.  Because the past four days have forever changed my life.  And honestly, writing about those days doesn't do them justice, because I will be analyzing and processing and feeling them for a long, long time.  Perhaps, until I return to Woodland next year - a place that has created a space in my heart that was not there before... <3

"Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work." 2 Timothy 2:21