35!!

Holy cow, I'm 35.

THIRTY-FIVE.

And here are 35 things I have learned/accepted/come to believe in 35 years in this beautiful world...

1. I love any and every chance to sing at the top of my lungs (as if I can actually carry a tune).  The shower, the car, while acting a fool with my kids -- Lord knows He didn’t bless me with a singing voice, but that doesn’t stop me from sometimes pretending I’m related to Carrie Underwood.

2. I need caffeine to survive my life.  And I am a much better human if I can start my day with said caffeine + Jesus.

3. I will never be able to diet.  I’d rather exercise eight times a day if it means I can eat alllllll the food.

4. I am so much more spontaneous than I ever thought I was.

5. There aren’t many bad days that can’t be turned around with an impromptu kitchen dance party with my kids and/or a good happy hour.

6. I love hard and I feel big.  Always have, always will.

7. I will never remember to regularly floss (sorry Whit!).

8. But I WILL ALWAYS wear my night guard (hello sexy!).  Because TMJ.

9. I, being fiercely independent and stubborn, have a really hard time asking for help.

10. I need to run like I need to breathe.  Some of my most pensive, most awesome, most shocking mental moments and revelations happen while running… just me and my (embarrassing) iPhone playlist.

11. I am a sucker for surprises, and a sappy, cheesy, hopeless romantic.

12. I don’t like for different foods on my plate to touch each other.

13. My kids will be okay with a babysitter, and I will be a better mama when I get back from doing something for ME.

14. I am a morning person.

15. I believe every single person can benefit from counseling.  And I am not sure I will ever be able to stop seeing mine --  I believe she + my kids + God saved my life!

16. I am terrible at responding to text messages, and every few days I’ll scroll allllllll the way down and find messages I could’ve sworn I answered.  SORRY!

17. I believe in seasons of life, and that each ending can be the beginning of something new and possibly even more beautiful – if you just let it…

18. I laugh like Roseanne Barr.  Man do I love to laugh, but I basically cackle uncontrollably and it’s embarrassing!  Especially when the occasional snort slips out…

19. It’s okay to say yes, it’s okay to say no, it’s okay to say not right now.  It’s okay to put yourself and your own needs first sometimes, to do what you want to do, and make decisions that feel right to you.

20. I believe God put me on this earth to work in education.  Being around students and teachers, working in a school – it all just lights my soul on fire.

21. When you’re talking, I will likely interrupt you, and so I’ll go ahead and apologize now.  This is something I am aware of and consciously working on every.single.day.

22. I am strong enough and patient enough to sit in a place of “I don’t know,” to “Be Still” (46:10).

23. And I am also strong enough to choose, to feel convicted about what I believe is best for my children and me, to love myself enough to save myself.

24. I don't like to cook. But I will always believe in the sanctity of sitting around a dinner table filled with homemade food, with my kids. So I will cook anyway. (PS I LOVE TO BAKE!)

25. I now live for moments that give me “butterfly tummy,” as CK calls it.

26. RETAIL THERAPY IS REAL AND EFFECTIVE.

27. I think spending time outdoors is essential to a good, happy life.

28. I am worthy and beautiful because I decide I am.  Period. Still a daily struggle for me, but a mantra I am bound and determined to keep trying to believe.

29. I only like bananas in the mornings (never in the afternoons); and I only like apples in the afternoons (never in the mornings).

30. Good, true, genuine friends are hard to find, and therefore they are so important to nourish and love on and appreciate and hold onto with all of your might.

31. I love to read.  I forgot how much until recently, when I gave myself permission to shut out the world every so often and get lost in a book.

32. Some of the things I’m now most scared of, also bring me the most excitement…

33. I am loyal, and you can depend on me.  Especially if I pinky swear.

34. After 4:30pm, my general patience level drops to about a negative eight.

35. There is so much freedom in being raw and real and honest.  I find my deepest breaths in my scariest, most transparent moments.

*Truthfully… I never imagined life at 35 would look like this. BUT- I love and am proud of who I’ve always been, and I love even more who I am becoming. I cannot wait to see what the next 35 years have in store for me... <3

Halfway to SEVEN!

My girl...

I remember when I was pregnant with you... I didn't know if you were a boy or a girl until the day you were born.

And I wanted you to be a boy.

The oldest sibling in my own family is my brother, your Uncle Dame - and having him as our "leader" and looking up to him as the oldest was such an honor for me.  I didn't know what a family dynamic would look like with a girl as the oldest... so I just always wanted my first child to be a boy.

And then I met you.

Cameron Kate, you have been my mini-me since the moment you took your first breath.  You were woven with threads of love, sensitivity, kindness, curiosity... 

threads of joy, silliness, brilliance...

threads that so perfectly created a little girl who finds happiness in everything...

...a little girl who has made me find joy during my darkest days.

And truthfully, anytime anyone asks how I'm doing on this new adventure we never saw coming... my new adventure as a divorced, single mama -- my immediate response is always that I couldn't do it without you.

And that is for so many reasons.

You can change diapers and put pajamas on the boys and help buckle/unbuckle car seats.  You can put on and tie shoes, help with chores, and have a memory like Rain Man.  You can kiss boo-boos and wipe noses and get the biggest and best giggles out of your brothers.

But also?  You force me to find joy, to feel silly, to dance and to sing and to run up and down the driveway spreading our glory, no matter how tired and stressed out I feel.

You are my sunshine, you are my rock... and you truly not only help me live everyday - you help me love everyday.

And CK, just like me, you like to celebrate ALL the things.

So today, we celebrated the fact that you are halfway to seven!

You, my girl, are six-and-a-HALF!!

You are reading like a rockstar and you are obsessed with writing "books" (which I'm obsessed with reading).  You absolutely love school and the fact that your very best girlfriends are in your class.  And you now officially want to be a teacher when you grow up. <3

You love peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches, cheese pizza, feta cheese, olives, poppyseed chicken casserole, cookie dough ice cream, and English cucumbers.

You say "dude" regularly, as if you were a teenage boy from a West coast beach.

You watch the weirdest videos on YouTube and I'll never understand it... people opening up surprise eggs, girls playing with dolls, how to organize school supplies videos, ladies opening up and describing toys...?

There are still several words you don't pronounce correctly, or words you've simply made up, and I will be so sad when you correct yourself.  For example- you call your big toe your thumb toe; tears are "tear-ings"; and you legitimately think hunormous is a word.

You are the absolute best big sister, and you truly love every minute of it.  Watching you love your brothers with every ounce of your heart makes mine want to explode... especially when I think back to the days I wondered if you'd ever even get to be a sister at all.

And yes, you truly do love your family.  But.  Quite possibly what you love most on this planet?  Moxie.  The cat I got on a whim on a random Sunday afternoon.  The cat I swore I'd never have, as a self-declared cat-hater.  But you and this cat are like two peas in a pod and she is truly one of the best parenting decisions I have ever made.

You have about six bracelets you wear every single day without fail.  They each represent something to you, remind you of something or someone - which lets me peek into the part of your heart that is bound to one day be hopelessly romantic and sentimental, just like yours truly.

You love all things soccer... and it's so awesome to watch you find your talent and come out of your shell on the field.

You need snuggles each morning, preferring to welcome the new day being wrapped up in love.  And while the space on my lap is shrinking as you grow, I hope you know I will always have room for you in my arms.

Cameron Kate-- your imagination is second to none, and I love when I can sneak and listen to the worlds you create in your mind and in your bedroom.  

I hope that imagination sprouts into dreams that never die, dreams that keep hope in your heart for all of your days... a hope that endures, a hope that believes, a hope that stands strong in the trials and makes you feel brave during moments that require courage.

A hope that lights your path during the inevitable dark days, a hope that allows you to always find and know your own inner-light...

Because you, my girl, have a light that shines so brightly, a light that I know with all of my heart will always shine brightly for you and anyone who is lucky enough to be a part of your world.

Happy 6.5, CK.

I love you to the moon and back and more than anything in this world...

~Mama

Spring Break 2K18

Well Spring Break 2018, you did not disappoint!  And to prove it, here is a big ol' picture dump of how we spent our glorious week off...

I was able to sneak in egg hunts and parties at the boys' school before they and CK left to go to NC to spend Easter with their grandparents...

And then I headed to my Gram's in SC, and had the best time being sister and aunt and daughter and granddaughter and niece with my amazing family:

When the kids got home, we dove into our typical shenanigans, including sidewalk paint and scooters and bikes and Target.

We made chocolate chip cookies from scratch and snuck in lots of excuses to eat ice cream...

We spent time in our most favorite place - OUTSIDE - with a scavenger-hunt-filled trip to the Greenbelt:

We, along with our good friends and about half of Atlanta, went to the zoo...

We attempted to wash the seven inches of pollen off of our cars...

Brooks became familiar with our timeout corner (hashtag RATTAIL):

CK had her very first sleepover, and I'm not sure our house has ever been filled with so much giggling...

We made homemade stress squishies:

Had a blast swimming and celebrating a friend's birthday:

And managed to sneak in plenty of smiles and snuggles...

It was such a good week - you know, the kind of week that is just good for the soul?  I had some much-needed time with family, time to myself, times with friends, time for new adventures... and a whole bunch of moments where my house was loud and upside down and my arms were full and I was exhausted in the best possible way... <3

And now, the countdown is officially on ~  

See you in six weeks, summer break!!