I will, too.

In between all of my smiles and my brave and my okay-Jessie-be-strong-self-pep-talks, there are still so many moments where I literally cannot catch my breath. Like, the air will not fill up my lungs because it is all so raw and all still feels so unbelievable.

And honestly, I think it always will be-- surreal.

Trauma is defined as a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.  And anyone who has ever experienced a traumatic event knows that no matter how "recovered" you are, it is and always will be there.  It will always be a part of you, always be a part of your story.

And it probably feels and always will feel like somewhat of an open wound, because it was a life-altering event you never, ever saw coming.

So yeah... sometimes it's still hard to breathe, ya know?

And today, in God’s always perfect timing, I found myself lost in this article sent to me by a dear friend.

And I was reminded, and hope you will be, too... that sometimes we just have to live in our truth in order to live in His. That God will give you moxie to make it through your current storm.

And that we can do all hard things, because of Him.

God will not forsake you, He will not betray you, He will never break your heart.

And while God cannot control the choices of others, or prevent your pain and heartbreak... He can and He will help you heal the broken, help you fill up the emptiness with a light and a strength and a hope you never knew existed in the depths of your soul - a soul He created.

If there’s one thing of which I feel certain, it is that there is joy waiting for me. I’m not sure what it is, what it will look like, where it will be-- but with all of my heart, I know it’s coming.

Just as He rose, I will, too.

In the depths of my soul I can feel something.  I can feel the tiny flicker of a flame of hope that will soon light my path to an entirely new kind of happiness.

The clouds are clearing, you guys...

 

Don’t get lost in your storm. 

Have your moment, live your moment— whether that moment is a day or weeks or, in my case, many, many, many months.

But listen to Him... and He will guide you in leaving that moment, when it is time.

When it is time to leave behind your sorrow, sever the brokenness to find your whole self... when it is time to hear what He truly wants for you.

...

I remember in one of the most vivid moments of my entire life, sitting in my daughter's room last August: I felt God. Actually felt Him and heard Him.

He took my hand, holding my heart in the palm of His.

And He began leading me out of my storm.

He never promised this would be easy, you guys. But He did promise He’d walk with us through it all.

And in a time where I have questioned everything I’ve ever known about love and loyalty and trust and forever... I have more love and hope and faith in God than I ever have, ever before.

In the One who will be with me, forever.

He’s still holding my hand- a little less tightly than before, because I’m a little steadier on my feet these days.

And He’s reminding me to breathe when I can’t find the air, and He’s telling me that it’s coming, it’s coming... something is coming... the rising is coming. <3