To my One-Year-Old Caboose...

It's like God knew my life was missing something... would be missing something -- and I had no clue.

It's like He knew I'd not only need you, but I'd need your smile, your giggles, your oh-so-joyful spirit.

I've said it for awhile now, and I know with all my heart it is true...

Brooks Evan, God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me you.

...

I remember your first breath and my shock that you were a BOY.  It took me a minute, to wrap my brain around having another son.  But in that same instant, I couldn't imagine it any other way.

You were my caboose.  The final punctuation mark on my dreams of motherhood.  The perfect little blonde-headed addition to our messy, beautiful chaos.

You truly are a little ray of sunshine.  You smile and wave and steal hearts everywhere you go.

You are giggles and tickle spots and open-mouth smiles and so much drool.

You are slobbery kisses and a runny nose and fat thighs and bathtime splashes.

You are a stair-climbing-while-giggling, ball-loving, dancing, walking, messy, easy-going, happy ONE YEAR OLD who I absolutely, positively love so big.

...

Brooks, I apologize for your first year of life.  I was distracted, and overwhelmed,  and sad, and worried, and scared, and insecure.

BUT.

You were the light at the end of every dark thought.  You were always my reminder to choose joy.

You were my smile, my dreams, my faith.  My promise.

You were and will always be my yellow.

The promise of a new day.  The hope of the sun.

I will never forget the surprise and confusion and shock I felt upon finding out you were growing inside of me...

Now, though, it all makes perfect sense.

God gave me you for a reason, my sweet caboose.

Your joyful spirit, infectious smile, easy giggles, and boundless cheer have made my feet hit the floor in the morning knowing that all would be well with my soul.

So I write this not only to say happy birthday, sweet boy.

But to say thank you.

Thank you for sticking by a mama who was lost, a mama who often only found her way because of you and your big brother and sister.

I am so lucky to be yours.  And I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that I will spend the rest of my life doing everything in my power to make you proud to be my son.

I love you enough, Brooks.  I love you so big.

Happy FIRST birthday, caboose.  And thank you, thank you for being my yellow.

~Mama