You, 'Boosey, were one of the biggest and best surprises of my life... a baby in my belly when I was told getting pregnant without medical intervention was essentially impossible.
You were one of the most well-timed, most intentional gifts God has given to me in my 36.5 years of life. Like, He knew a storm was coming, and He gave me the promise of sunshine in you.
Just a couple months after your arrival, I was hit with the most heartbreaking, heart-wrenching, devastating news of my life. My world was turned upside down, a life I loved ripped away.
Which also meant life as you knew it, even as a newborn, was gone.
One of the hardest parts of the first year of your life was me feeling like I brought you into a world and into a family that was supposed to be so different than it ended up being. It felt wrong, that at just a couple months old, you didn't have all I dreamed of giving you in this beautiful life.
But.
From your first breaths, to your first months, and through your first year -- the toughest times of my life -- you remained so perfectly steady and joyful and sunshine-filled. You were always so go-with-the-flow, blissfully (and thankfully) unaware of what was really going on around you, always promising me the sun would continue rising.
I remember vividly when everything happened... I could not get out of bed. I stayed in a dark room, and my sister would bring you in so I could nurse you, and then she'd take you away so I could continue to let myself feel awareness and truth and grief I so desperately had to process.
For a very long time, I felt so guilty that a large part of the beginning of your life was stamped with so much darkness.
But.
I now feel with absolute conviction that God placed you into my world because you would be exactly what I needed to sit up in that bed, and eventually stand up out of the bed, and finally take steps forward, steps toward finding my light again.
You were and always will be the promise of a new day, God's promise that though there will be hardships, joy comes in the morning.
Toes that, today, are THREE years old.
Yesterday as you snuggled with me in bed before the sun came up, you practiced holding up three fingers over and over again. And then you talked about how your nose was almost three, and your eyes were almost three, and your ears were almost three, and your hair and your tummy and your toes were almost three.
And it's so true... I remember seeing your nose and your eyes and your ears and your hair and your tummy and your toes for the first time, three years ago today.
Since you were born, and all through the valleys, you have been JOY. You truly bring a smile to everyone who crosses your path.
You are silly and love being the comedian of our family. Oftentimes, around the dinner table, you will put on a show and CK, Everette, and I will just laugh and laugh.
You are messy in everything you do. Your shirt is rarely clean, and neither is your face.
You have a love/hate relationship with your brother, and you guys spend about 95% of your time together wrestling. You absolutely adore your big sister, and your favorite thing to do with her right now is pretend like you are her baby -- which pretty much makes her world go 'round.
You have a big appetite and will eat most anything I put in front of you, and you will often eat more than all of us combined. As soon as your feet hit the ground from the dinner table, you'll tell me you're hungry. You especially love cheese sticks and starbursts and "sandwiches with turkey in it and cheese in it."
You think superheroes are awesome (especially Captain America), you adore your "Laney-girl", and you love going to preschool and have the best time with your friends and your teacher. When I pick you up each afternoon you immediately say, "I wanna talk about my friends!" and you'll tell me about playing with Julia and Hannah and Bennett and what Ms. Carolyn read to you that day.
You love to wear your "faster shoes," you always want me to point out the moon in the sky on the way to school in the mornings, and you're sure to let us all know when it's a "bootiful day."
I believe you always have and always will see the beauty and joy in all things - which is what I needed so desperately two-and-a-half years ago, and also how I know God placed you into my world so intentionally. For which I will always be so, so grateful.
I will never know how I got so lucky to be your mama while you live life here on earth, but I promise you that I will do all I can to give you the joy and beautiful life that you give to me, each and everyday.
Happy, happy birthday.
~Mommy
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