7

“Mommy, do you pray for yourself when you put yourself to bed?  The same way you pray for each of us when you tuck us in at night?  Do you? If you don’t, I need to know because I need to be the one praying for you.”

Oh, my CK.

Happy, happy, HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY.

To my girl, to my mini-me, to my one and only daughter, to the sweet and perfect soul who made me a mama.

Today, as you turn SEVEN, I have some confessions…

*I confess that before you were born, I secretly wanted my first child to be a boy.  My brother is my oldest sibling, and I couldn’t envision a family where a girl is the oldest child.  And now I cannot imagine our family any other way.

*I confess that I truly didn’t understand the meaning of unconditional love, until I first felt the weight of your warm, newborn body in my arms.

*I confess that for most of your first weeks of life I was an anxious, terrified mess because I loved you so much and didn’t want to make any mistakes as your mama.

*I confess that now, I make mistakes as your mama every.single.day.  And I also try really hard to always admit and apologize for every.single.one.

*I confess that your giggle is one of my most favorite sounds in the whole entire world.

*I confess that I truly do believe you are absolutely, undeniably beautiful.  Both inside and out.

*I confess that you helped me get through our miscarriages and fertility treatments more than you’ll ever know.

*I confess that I secretly love how much you’re just like me -- the stinky feet (sorry!), the planner-type-A-personality, the school-supply-obsession, the feelings, the conscience, the love of feta cheese and olives, the love of books and reading, the emotions, the short fuse, and the worried and sensitive heart...

*I also confess that because we are so alike, I secretly fear your hormonal/teenage years, and I am already praying about them.

*I confess that your heartbreak and confusion and questions were the hardest parts of the divorce for me.  And still are.

*I confess that I wouldn’t be able to survive this life as a single mama without you and all you do for your brothers and for me..

*I confess that I secretly love that you still love and need Ellie.

*I confess that I sorta reallllllly hope you eventually jump on the dance/cheerleading bandwagon.

*I confess that the other morning, when I heard you and E whispering and you came downstairs with him all dressed and ready, teeth-brushed and hair-gelled, to “help us have a good morning” -- I cried.

*I confess that watching you read to Everette and Brooks makes my heart want to explode.

*I confess that I am constantly inspired by your imagination.

*I confess that I would go to the ends of the earth for you - to the moon and back - to make you happier, to make your life better, to put sunshine into those big brown eyes.

*I confess that you, Cameron Kate, make me want to be a better person.  A better mama. A better friend, Christian, listener, thinker, feeler, sister, daughter.  You are one of my most favorite people in this world, one of my best friends, and having the privilege of walking through this beautiful life holding your hand and squeezing three times makes my heart feel a depth of love I didn’t know existed until I met you.

Seven years ago, today.

Happy Birthday to my bug…

To the moon and back and more than anything in this world...