It’s impossible to even put into words.
And I used to get annoyed when people told me that – they’d say, “It’s a love like you’ve never imagined.” Yeah yeah, I get it – you love your kid like crazy… and while I would get slightly annoyed with the “just wait” comments, I honestly COULDN’T wait to be on that side of love.
And here I am.
And it’s amazing.
And they were right – it’s a love like I’ve never imagined. An all-consuming obsession… the kind of obsession that drives me to stare at my sweet girl all day long, and then stare at her pictures once she’s gone to bed. The kind of obsession that drove my hub to say, simply, “You’re obsessed.” And he didn’t mean it in a mean way, because he admitted that he, too, is obsessed.
But he was right.
And it’s okay to be obsessed, and love her so much that my bones ache…
But I have to remember that I am more than a mom. I am also still a wife. And I have to admit that I’m not sure I’ve been much of a wife these days.
Sure, I’ve taken care of the laundry, and cleaning, and dishes, and dinner… but that makes me Suzy Homemaker, not a wife. Or at least not the kind of wife I promised to be.
Now, my hub doesn’t read this blog anymore, so I am not writing this for him. I am writing this for me – and maybe the other moms out there who can relate. Moms who can relate to being so wrapped up in your newborn baby that you forget for an instant that there is more to life than just your child.
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in her – wrapped up in her constant smiles, and coos, and expressions, and milestones – but one of the best things I can do for her is to be a good wife to her dad.
Until I was eighteen years old, I grew up not knowing what it felt like to live in a house with a mom and dad who loved each other unconditionally. Until I was eighteen, I never knew what a marriage should look like, or what it felt like to have two loving parents. I yearn to be able to give that to my sweet Cameron Kate. And I will.
Truth is, I married the love of my life, my best friend. I ended up in the kind of marriage that I always dreamed of – the kind of marriage where you truly are excited when you open your eyes in the morning and realize who you’re lying next to. And I cannot forget him, or us, throughout this new adventure of motherhood.
It’s definitely a balance, and one that I am learning. One that I hope he will understand… and I think he does, because he, too, is all-consumed by his daughter. I just hope he knows that I am more in love with him today than I was yesterday… and while I may not be showing it enough lately, I am incredibly appreciative of not only who he is to me, but who he is to HER… because for most of my life, I never had that.
So while he’ll probably never read this, I hope he knows that I am excited to continue through this journey as parents together – while also remembering that we were only able to become parents because we loved each other first.
It doesn't get much better than that.