Over the past couple of days you have been asking me exactly what I was doing eight years ago --
And honestly, I can pretty much see and hear and taste and feel the days leading up to your birth. I've been explaining it to you, every last detail - because in true Cameron Kate Peele fashion, you have all the questions and want to know all the answers, begging for every single little thing I can remember.
So, I've been telling you --
Telling you about how I started my maternity leave after my workday on Friday, October 7th, because I was so miserable and just so so hopeful that you'd be arriving soon.
Telling you about how I went to a Wake Forest football game on Saturday, forcing myself to be on my feet as much as possible, hoping it would make you decide to enter the world.
Telling you about how on Sunday, October 9th, I woke up with a weird feeling - so your dad and I went on two walks around our street (Friendship Circle!), and then I gave up on anything happening... so we went to the movies. (And saw Moneyball!) And then I came home and ate pizza, a Krispy Kreme donut, and some cotton candy.
Telling you about how a few hours later, I woke up with what I thought was a stomachache - from the aforementioned dinner. However, it was actually the beginning of recording my contractions on a Halloween-themed piece of paper (which I showed you last night!), and the beginning of what would be a 22-hour labor.
And last night as I crawled into your bed with you, I told you all about the hours, minutes, seconds leading up to when you took your very first breath.
We do this every year, and every year I can imagine myself right back in those moments. Because those moments, Cameron Kate... the moment you took that very first breath and allowed me to become a mom... that moment was when you taught me the deepest love I have ever known.
A couple days ago you said: "Mommy? If you could go back and be any age you've already been, what age would you choose?"
I immediately knew I would choose 28... because I could start all over again as your mama. It's not that I would do things differently, because I'm so proud of who you are and (though I am far from perfect), I am also so proud of the mom I have been to you over your eight years of life. But, I would go back and do it all over again because the day you were born was the day I really and truly began to live and began to love. And gosh it was just so, so good to feel my heart take shape in a brand new way.
Cameron, you are my most favorite little girl in the whole, whole wide world and, if I'm being honest, one of my most favorite people in the whole, whole wide world. I tell everyone I know that I hit the jackpot with you, and I truly do mean that.
You are kind, you are sensitive, you are compassionate, you are responsible, you are smart, you are silly, you are spiritual, you are forgiving, you are intuitive, you are innocent. You make every single part of my life better, and you make every single part of me want to strive to be better, for you.
You have brought me more sunshine in my darkest days than you will ever know. I could not function without you, I could not breathe without you, I could not be me without you. Though you are only eight years old, you are my rock. My compass. My why.
I love just exactly who you are, and I can't believe that God chose me to guide you and love you and teach you and mold you all the days of your earthly life.
You are uniquely perfect in all your CK ways. You pride yourself on being a tomboy, still refuse all things "fancy," and told me you were going to be picking out your own outfit for our upcoming family photoshoot and it would absolutely include a backwards hat.
You love soccer, your girlfriends, Ellie, bossing people around, school, surprises, Laney and Moxie, reading, headbands, the beach, magic tricks, and playing outside. You have an imagination like no other, and can get lost in your own world for hours.
You are the very, very best big sister in all the land. You are such a little mama to Brooks, and you get so excited when he'll go along with you playing "house" and acting like he's your baby. You and Everette are sweet and sour, hot and cold. You absolutely adore each other and equally drive each other absolutely crazy.
You always want to listen to country music, especially any songs by Luke Bryan, Taylor Swift, Zac Brown Band, and Carrie Underwood. #proudmom
You can't stand eating eggs or icing. If I let you choose your food everyday, you'd always go for cheese pizza, olives, salt and vinegar chips, cookie dough ice cream, watermelon, green peppers, and feta cheese. You prefer salty food over sweet food, always.
You are nosy, you ask about five hundred and seventeen questions before breakfast, you are super emotional and sensitive, you are competitive, and you need your sleep like you need oxygen.
You still love to snuggle, and always want to crawl into my lap before you start your day.
Cameron, I could sit here and go on and on and on about every little part of you. About the small birthmark on your arm, about how your pinky toe curls in just a tiny bit, about how you have faded angel kisses on the back of your neck, about how you still have a tiny swirl in the back of your hair that was there the very day you were born.
Just like I remember every detail about the days leading up to your first breath, I will always remember every detail of who you are... from head-to-toe, from heart-to-soul. Because you make me want to live that kind of life - a life where I breathe in everything, a life where I feel big and love hard.
Because you and me, my girl... we are alike in almost all the ways. Especially in how we feel and love. And though that can be risky, and scary... it is so worth it. And every single day of your eight years of life reminds me of that.
So let's keep doing just that - feeling big and loving hard. Let's keep living a life that requires courage... a life that is so, so good if you find it in your heart to be brave.
Pinky promise.
Happy 8, my girl.
I love you to the moon and back and more than anything in this world,
Mommy
