This was 2020

As I've historically done (here are a couple of my previous posts), I decided I couldn't let 2020 end and 2021 begin without reflecting on the past year.

Truthfully, 2020 was good.

So freaking good.

And sometimes it's hard to admit that, because I know it was so hard for so many.

But.

2020 brought me the reason for it all.

The reason why I believe I had to be heartbroken, the reason why I had to watch life as I knew it completely fall apart, the reason why I had to learn how to live and love life alone.

2020 brought me strength during uncertain times.

It brought me courage when it felt easier to hide in fear.

 It brought me obedience to wait, when I wanted to run.

It brought me hope becoming reality.

...

Here is what 2020 looked like for me, looked like for us, starting back in January... the month I decided to trust Him, wait with obedience, and pray fervently for provision.

January

I began with the decision to take a breath, spend more time outdoors, and truly feel the essence of who we were as a family of four.

 

February

One of my greatest health scares, during which I snapped a picture of possibly my most vulnerable life moment ever. 

And... one of the greatest nights of my mama-life, a staycation at the local hotel filled with my trio and me - laughing, swimming, eating pizza, watching movies, and just feeling so incredibly thankful to be present and to be theirs.

 

March

My how things took an interesting turn.  Facilitating at-home learning with an 8-, 5-, and 3-year-old while also figuring out how to teach third graders from my own house was unexpected and so damn hard.  My trio and I didn't venture farther than our neighborhood roads, I missed my students so much it was emotionally painful, I may have counted down to 4:59pm every single day, and I constantly wondered how we'd survive our new normal.  But.  I also tried so hard to embrace the changes and how lucky we were to have each other during all of the unexpected, unfamiliar, a-little-scary, in-home chaos.

April

Survival mode continued.

And.

The month I fell in love with the greatest man I've ever known.

 

May

Wrapping up the school year in a way I never imagined - from home (luckily, some days working from home with my love!).

And also, welcoming summertime with my trio with open arms.  Perhaps the most excited I'd ever been that {at-home} SCHOOOOOOL'S.OUT.FOR.SUMMER.!!

 

June

The month of Everette getting an un-wiggly tooth ripped out of his mouth and me almost passing out during the process, our annual BLOMPS beach trip, and so many at-home (and one not-at-home) date nights with Adam!

 

July

Realizing how much I love outdoor adventuring with him, soaking up summertime with my trio, and finally finally FINALLY introducing my boy to my family, knowing in my heart that one day they'd be his family, too. <3

 

August

The month where they met him, and their hearts began to fall hard, just like mine.

 

September

Never been happier to have a first day of school in my whole life.

Never been happier to be at the beach in my whole life. <even with the the most skin-biting-bugs in the history of the world> LutonPalooza was a weekend I'll always remember for so many reasons -- one of which was Adam meeting more of my most favorite people!!

Never been happier to meet a 6-, 7-, and 11- year old in my whole life. <3

 

October

The best and easiest yes I have ever, ever said.  A yes not only to him, but to his four - four incredible little souls I believe I was always walking toward, always supposed to love.

November

My most favorite holiday ever ever falls in this month, and this year I got to merge most of my favorites with most of my favorites.  Thankful, thankful, thankful.

 

December

My first Christmas morning ever without my kids, a day I've been dreading for three years post-divorce.  

And then.

It became so obvious that God was always in control, giving me him and them, and the beautiful chaos of celebrating three Christmas mornings in a row.

 

Followed by the the last day of December, the last day of a year full of the kind of hopeful joy that gives you the courage to be brave, the courage to keep taking steps toward the sun, the courage to never stop hoping, the courage to not only believe, but to know that there was always a reason... that I was always walking into the yellow.

 

Cheers to 2021, the year I will become a bonus mom to four amazing, resilient, love-deserving kids... the year I will finally, a thousand years after loving him, become his wife.

"Behold, I am doing a new thing... I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." 

Isaiah 43:19

3 Christmas Mornings

 I have been dreading Christmas 2020 for three years.

When I signed my divorce decree, the agreement was that I got the first three Christmas mornings post-divorce.  And that starting in 2020, my ex-husband and I would start alternating.

2020 seemed so far away at the time, and three years would give my heart time to heal and prepare to not have my kids sitting at the top of my stairs on Christmas morning, something no mother should ever have to prepare for...

But goodness, God's timing --

Who would've known (other than He Himself!) that in Christmas 2020 I would be engaged to the love of my life, the man who would help me through a holiday season I've been anxious about for years, the man who would help come up with the idea to do 3 Christmas mornings in a row.

So on 12/24, we woke up and acted exactly like it was Christmas morning with my trio.

On 12/25, it was just the two of us, and we had our own, perfect Christmas morning in a quiet house, a house that didn't even feel too quiet because it was filled with the hope of us.

And on 12/26, we woke up and acted exactly like it was Christmas morning once again with his four.

3 Christmas mornings filled with snuggles and food and sugar and new toys and slowing down and movies and games and baking and pajamas and griddling and Nintendo Switch and loud and quiet and gorilla bread and snacks and messes and memories.... so many memories.

Next year, we will have one Christmas morning.  All nine of us, in one place.  And I cannot wait.  <3  

But also?  I loved our 3 Christmases, and saw God's promise of hope in the nooks and crannies of each and every moment.

Behold.

And Merry Christmas(es)!!